Good morning dear Readers. I hope you have a lovely, relaxing weekend and I raise my coffee cup to you in salute for the madness that Mondays bring.
Over the weekend I had a revelation. A strange yet obvious one dare I say. I really, really need to kick myself up the butt. Why? Well I am going to be completely honest with you. I have for the past month or so been falling, further and further down the rabbit hole. And not in a good way. It’s been a never-ending journey which has left me with cuts and bruises that sting like a bitch when TCP is applied.
With a previous history of depression (although I strongly believe we all have depression at some point in our life times) I know when it’s beginning to dig it’s jagged claws firmly back into my flesh. My brain is constantly receiving notifications that my mind is slipping further and further into the shadows. I know the signs, the warnings, yet I found myself still falling. Stuck in a loop of desperately wanting to do something, to change but failing to make any progress. To go for a walk, get some fresh air but refusing to get dressed as, what’s the point? Then arguing with myself that there’s every point. AGHHHH It’s an ongoing battle that drives me mad.
I floated outside of my body and looked shamefully upon myself. “What are you doing? Stop it!” I found myself screaming while slapping myself to get a grip and take control. I was the only one that was going to get myself out of this rut. I struggled to discover why I had fallen so far so quickly, why I was continuing to fall with no end in sight. Not that my sight is any good, I am short-sighted and blind as a bat some days…that’s not the point.
My depression had swiftly befriended my mind before I got to savour any appetizers. It was embarrassing. I was stronger than that. I knew I was. No, I know I AM. I couldn’t let it get away with this mockery and without any warning, stuck out my arms and legs and proceeded to crawl back UP the rabbit hole. No tea with the mad hatter today I told myself. I had had enough and wanted my life back. I am taking my tea to go!
The first thing to do was to make a list. A helpful and therapeutic hobby that I fully enjoy. I told myself to take it slow and not be too hard on myself but also not too easy. Finding a balance is hard but I know if I stick with it, I will make it work.
Below is a list of things I know will help pull me up out of the rabbit hole. Wish me luck!
1.) Work Out! Do some form of exercise, even if it’s walking. Just move your body woman, do something. get off your lazy butt and dance!
2.) Eat Healthy. Don’t force it at first but just try replacing things with a healthy option. No out of bound foods and don’t over indulge. You like fruit and fish! So eat them more than doughnuts and cake.
3.) Continue to read and write. This you are doing well with and your brain is proud to say, well done so keep it up!
4.) Don’t overthink everything. Just chill, in fact stop with the stressing altogether if possible. Life is far too short.
5.) Remember you are loved. Your family love you. Never think otherwise. Remember that between a Cabbit, a Mogwai, a Panda, a Kitten and TWO Bunnies, there is a LOT of love and more than enough bodies to dog-pile you into a giggle-fit!
I shall update you on this journey in a month’s time, 26th March and let you know how I am getting on. Routine is absolutely key when you have depression. It gives you focus and drive. Something to adhere to. Something I had lost but am now determined to find again.
If you are in a dark place please, please talk to someone. I know it’s hard, I am extremely stubborn but once I actually started talking, you can’t shut me up. It does help and someone will always listen. You are important and never, EVER think otherwise. Please talk to someone. You are not alone.
http://breathingspace.scot/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9eOkiPHB2QIVb7XtCh0ZZAjEEAAYASAAEgJEL_D_BwE
Hop hop wiggle wiggle.
Bunny’s Pause 
sometimes it feels so hard to find someone to talk to who will actually listen and not constantly offer advice and at least try to see what your saying. i always feel like im ‘moaning’ or ‘having a go’.
I know what you mean. The advice offered sounds patronising and not helpful at all. Never feel like you are moaning or having a go, your feelings matter and you need to vent it. To get it out into the open. It’s hard to find someone that will listen but please don’t give up if you can’t find anyone. I am here to listen should you ever need an ear. It took me years to find someone who would actually listen to what I was saying. It was a nightmare.
This is such a beautiful, honest blog post. Thank you for sharing it. I’ve noticed a lot more friends and acquaintances are opening up more about depression and anxiety. I think it’s a really positive step and I believe it means that we as a society will be more supportive, more able to recognise and help our friends when they are in different stages of happiness. Lots of love from me xxx
Thank you! It’s so hard to talk about it because it made me feel weak. But I have realised that I’m not and if anything it makes me stronger. Just knowing you have someone to talk to who will listen can really make all the difference. Thank you! Xxx