More Than A Mother?

I have never been more proud of my multi-tasking skills than since becoming a mother. At the moment I am rocking my youngest in his rocker with my foot while I am drinking tea, bobbing to music, balancing my laptop on my lap and typing this. Go me! There should be an Olympic gold medal for multi-tasking. I am about 80% sure I would win.

Since becoming a mother there have been times where I have questioned who I am. So much changes when you become responsible for a tiny human (Cabbit, Mogwai) and your days are crammed with trips to the park, learning colours with an annoyingly high-pitched pig and endless amounts of baking. Not a complaint, I love being outside and baking. Could do without the pig though. That blasted pig does my head in. I swear if she say’s her name is Peppa Pig one more time, just once! I will flip! I can’t stand her, yet my child absolutely adores the show. I am hoping that it is mainly because of George and Mr. Dinosaur. Or even better, Grandpa Pig and Gertrude! Not Peppa. She is a very selfish, annoying whiny pig. Very much like children in general (at times). HA! I have just realised I have gone on a rant about a badly animated pig. Oh dear. So this is my life now?

But as I was saying. It’s a struggle finding time for yourself to do things that you enjoy. I miss reading all day with endless cups of tea and a cheeky slice of carrot cake that doesn’t have tiny dents from being prodded at by a small person. It’s so difficult trying to find that balance of being a mother but also still being yourself. Because it often feels like the general rule is that when you become a mother, this title is all you are now. You are no longer the funny one who once got thrown out of a nightclub for climbing over a toilet cubicle or have the most ridiculous stories about all of your worst dates you’ve been on. No, you are meant to be just mum and that’s that. Of course a lot changes when you become a mother but should it change who you are? Your responsibilities and priorities are different now but does that mean you should stop being yourself and be this shell of a woman who talks all day long about poop and nappy rash? Never have I once done that. Why would I bore people with these details, it’s not me. I’d rather talk about how proud I am of my child but not boast. It is true that once you have children your life does revolve around them, of course it does. They can’t take care of themselves, and even when they have moved out and got a job, you’ll probably worry yourself silly about them at times. Hopefully you’ll be able to be confident in how good a job you’ve done raising them to look after themselves so you CAN relax at times. BUT and this is a big but, you as a person do not have to change. You are still you. You are still a daughter, a lover, a wife, a friend and now a mother. We as mothers shouldn’t feel like we should have to pigeonhole ourselves just because we have created life. We can still go out and have a good time, laugh till we cry and do embarrassing dance moves on the dance floor. As long as your children are safely looked after. I’m not suggesting you be irresponsible and just abandon them for a couple glasses of wine.You owe it to yourself and your children to still be the person you are. To indulge in your own hobbies and passions. You now just have more love to give to your little monsters of course. More memories to make, more experiences to be had and of course more cake to be eaten. There’s always a lot of birthdays when you have children.

Should I feel guilty for still wanting to be me and not just a mother? Of course not! That would be utterly insane. I love my boys, truly utterly love them. I would kill for them. They always come first before anything else and always will.

I hate this narrow-minded view of what life is like when you have children. The amount of articles that keep popping up all over the internet is sickening. People act like once you have children that that’s it, the end. The romance is dead, you no longer take care of yourself and as for sex? Well you can forget about that. Know what I say to that? Bollocks! Excuse my language but it is utter nonsense. Everyone is different, every family is different. To say that is what happens to everyone is just ludicrous. Life does change but it is down to you as a person whether it is for the better or worse. It depends on you as a person. I still do a lot of things I did before our boys came along. I still dance badly around the house when no one’s in (sometimes I dance with the boys) watch bad horror films, play games with my husband, and *shock horror*, still have a sex life. We just now have two amazing boys to show the world to and get to help them on their journey through life. I’m not saying it’s all flowers and pink fluffy unicorns everyday, as we all know life can be a horrible little bitch. Some days they do nothing but cry, or throw their food all over the floor because it’s not in the shape of that stupid pig! But we wouldn’t be human if those days didn’t happen would we? How boring would life be if it was Instagram perfect everyday. We as humans have emotions and quite rightly go from a very happy high to a very depressing low and all that wonderful array of emotion between those extremes. It’s natural and we should never ever beat ourselves up about it. A good cry into your bucks fizz never hurt anyone. We feel and should never be ashamed about it.

What was I trying to say in this blog? That was it. Remember (if you are a mother) that you are more than a mother. Being a mum is fantastic but it’s only a part of who you are. You are still creative, stubborn, and a soppy romantic (if you’re like me). Embrace who you are and never hide behind a mask because you feel like it’s not socially accepted or expected of you. Life is too short, horrible cliché that I hate but it is. Live your life as you, no one else.

I wonder if this comes across as selfish? Like I said, I love my boys and love being their mother. But that title is not all I am. I am a mother, lover, wife, daughter, friend, bunny queen, doughnut eater, olympic tea drinker, bookworm, writer, I am me. Bunny!

A small P.S. for once (and yes my own Dad, my husband and his father may have been inspiration for this): Fathers out there, don’t think that what I’m saying doesn’t apply to you too, ESPECIALLY those father’s who are stay at home dad’s, simply heavily involved OR those poor individuals who all but give up to their stereotypes and have little-to-no family life in the pursuit of providing for their families. BOTH we wonderful mothers and you, the lovely fathers EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US!!! We all deserve to be happy with our families and to STILL be US! Please don’t ever forget who you are because society tells you otherwise.

Hop hop wiggle wiggle.