Picture the scene, I’m sure you have experienced it ether way. Parent or not. You’re in a shop browsing, going about your business when suddenly a ear-piercing scream violently invades your ear drums. Out of nowhere with no invitation you wonder what you did wrong to suffer this cruel deafening fate. It’s a scene that every parent is very familiar with. It’s never, very pleasant for both parties involved. But does that give outsiders the right to pull a face of judgement?
Our son, our beautiful amazing darling son does like to throw a tantrum as any toddler does. He has a set of lungs on him that makes me think he has a career as a hardcore mental singer ahead of him. So when he screams, any head within in a 50 mile radius will instantly turn in his direction. It’s understandable I get that, it is very hard to ignore. What I don’t understand is the look of judgement that appears with it. It’s a sheer display of horror that how could any parent let their child reach such a volume. Oh, mustn’t forget the tuts that also follow with the odd comment such as “What a noisy child’ Or ‘Isn’t he a bit too old to be throwing a tantrum?” Believe it or not dear public our intention is not to interrupt your day with our child’s scream but to just go about our business and shop much like yourself. The thing is, every child does it. It’s not an excuse, it’s the truth. Until they reach that magical age where they can completely understand everything (I say in their 20’s, possibly beyond that) there will be the odd tantrum.
There was a time where I would feel like the worst parent ever when this happened. But I realised a while ago that I shouldn’t beat myself up about it. Cabbit is growing and learning every day. He is getting so much better with his tantrums and understanding he can’t always get what he wants. Everyday I work and play with him, teaching him new things that will help him develop in this crazy world we live in. It takes time and he is only 2 and half years old. People expect so much from children these days that the minute they are born it’s a competition to see whose child can do what first. It’s silly, really silly. Every child is different and will pick things up at their own pace. If you force them it will only take longer and put so much pressure on them. Something I know is not pleasant when it comes to my own growing up and being dyslexic. The amount of force you feel on your shoulders to please everyone and succeed in something that you struggle with is unreal. You are sure to buckle without the right support and encouragement. When I have health visitors telling me my son should be doing this or that I just roll my eyes. I will not put that kind of pressure on my son for the sake of it looking good on paper. The funny thing is he can do a load of things some children can’t at his age but that gets ignored. It’s always about focusing on the negative and what they can’t do as children. He will pick it up in his own time.
When I get a look of disgust or a negative comment towards my child’s screams I just smile. Why? Because that person is choosing to focus all their energy onto something that is so normal. They can’t see past it. They don’t see how well-behaved he has been up until that point, for e.g. how he is good at sharing his toys with other children in the park. They just expect all children to be seen and not heard and who gets the blame do you think? The parents. They don’t see that the parent has been up all night soothing their child after a nightmare, how they haven’t drunk a hot cup of tea in days because they are too busy playing dinosaurs with their little one. All they see is the screech of death and feel like they have a right to judge your parenting in that split second. Why can’t they just mind their own business? Seriously? It’s not their child so why not just ignore and carry on. Why feel the need to disapprove publicly and be negative. I swear no parent has ever asked for a stranger’s advice in a shop while their child throws a tantrum. Parents have a hard time as it is and get shamed in so many way these days. Why not support them and be friendly if you feel the need to say something? When did we stop supporting each other? Why do we as humans feel the need to bring each other down on the smallest of imperfections? Such a dark lonely path to spend your life pointing out flaws and looking down on others. Live it and smile at others, you don’t know a strangers circumstances so don’t judge. It’s so easy to do, we have all done it. It’s so much better and healthier to just focus on your own life and not others.
For us the tantrums are on and off with Cabbit at the moment. The understanding is there but he still likes to have the odd scream. It’s getting better and is a long battle. I am proud of how far he has come and never ever feel ashamed of him. I feel ashamed of the people overreacting to his behaviour and the face of judgment. It’s just something that in time will slowly fizzle out. We have the joy of going though this all again with Mogwai in a year or so! We will survive. It’s all part of life and its strange wonders. What you have to focus on is the present and don’t let anything beat you down. Don’t let others make you feel like you are failing. Be confident in yourself that you are doing the best you can.
I could go on and on about this topic but I won’t. If you want to hear more though check out my video I did a while back about Toddler Tantrums, it’s a good one. Has inside out references!
I hope you are all well dear readers and again I hope this doesn’t sound like a rant. It’s just my opinion and experience of what I have seen as a parent. It’s funny how often opinions can sound like rants.
We are off to Bushy Park today to feed ducks and drink tea! Cabbit’s gotten so good at drinking out of a cup and not spilling. He likes to dip his biscuits in his tea like me! YAY!
Have a beautiful day!
Hop hop wiggle wiggle